Here I am blogging again... gah I haven't done this seriously since... I dont know maybe when I started modeling... I brought a couple of profound blogs over to my new blog but trashed most the others (a serious regret of mine). Anywho I've started what I'd like to think of as a journey. I came to the decision over pie last night. I know not some epic life changing experience. Pie. European Truffle Pie with a bite of Birthday Cake Pie after the Grizzlies game. That night wasn't really so different from so many others. Except for one thing.
"So many fail because they don't get started - they don't go. They don't overcome inertia. They don't begin." -W. Clement Stone
I decided I was tired of being sorry for myself. I was tired of coming home tired. I needed something new. Mind you I have been doing new things. I'm learning to drive my new car. I'm learning a new trade (I have my state certification test tomorrow so please wish me luck) I took my friend, Jake's photography class. This had such a profound effect on me and I doubt he even knew it. He talked about several things. One being you must find control and learn to understand things before you can get creative and experiment. I am in a new life stage. I need to find my feet before I can start going crazy and experience life to its fullest. Next, I need passion. I need to find something that I can be passionate about. I'll explore this a little bit later (ooo). Finally, Facebook. Facebook killed his love of shooting. I realized it had done sorta the same thing to me. Obviously not to photography, but it has become an obsession of mine. I get on it constantly (especially since I got the app for my phone.) I post every little detail of my life there (which is no fun. Where's the mystery?) I constantly check it to find out what people are doing and to get invited to things. Its ridiculous. So I've decided a lot of things over pie, but the first step on this journey began a couple days before. I deleted my ex. Shocker right? It was kind of a big deal for me, but I needed it because this is where most of my poison comes from. Not him. Let me make that very clear. He is a nice guy (sorta). but he in no way, shape, or form is a poison. I am the poison. I don't want to use the word obsess because I was not on his page everyday. I was not facebook stalking him, but if on the oh so epic wall a post were to come up "blank" has a new friend and that friend was a girl well I'd instantly think he's sleeping with her. I just know it. Which is completely ridiculous and totally childish, I realize. I doubt he was reading my page or even thinking about me so I did the completely immature thing. I deleted him. I didn't want a constant reminder of my past. Now I'm taking it a bit further. No facebook and no texting. What happened to the good old days when people used to actually talk? They would make an effort to stay in touch. Write letter and pick up the phone. Next I'm doing the master cleanse. Ew. Lemon juice, maple syrup, and pepper all mixed together? Not my usual fat, oil, and sugar FULL diet. But this cleanse is about self control. I am going to be controlling my body. Im going to rid my body of all the nastiness and I'm even considering going back to my old veggie lifestyle. Yoga and exercise will be a part of my life as well. Next control of my mind. Meditation, The state of being nothing and feeling nothing. Not gonna lie I've felt this way a lot lately (more later), but this time I'm doing it in a healthy way. I have a lot of demons I'm going to be facing and I need to face them on my own. I'm excited and this should be interesting. haha Hopefully fun (but we will see how much fun it is when im starving!!!)
"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." - T.S.Eliot
Well I need to start studying for my test tomorrow. :)
xoxo
<3
K
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