Sorry bout the late posting! Yesterday I just got busy... Hm what to say. what to say. I have been pretty darn good lately. Like I said super busy which is the best way to be! Looking at apartments. Works been good. Playing with my puppy loads and loads. This break from facebook has been really really good! Suddenly I have all this free time. It's weird I would come home and just jump on my computer now I have time to actually do things. Not going to lie I have cheated a bit on the texting tho... They are TOTALLY legitimate excuses tho! a friend thats leaving (boo), a friend I just barely made (but should have been friends with since forever), and a friend I'm hopefully going to move in with (keeping my fingers crossed). The last two I have had some pretty great conversations with lately.
C and I were talking. Why are men such whores? Only women seem to see it. Why is it alright for you to date every girl on the block, but I can't date that many boys? I mean really your excuse is you are looking for the right girl to marry or you aren't ready to settle down... neither of these make any sense what so ever and if I used those excuses I would be labeled loose and a whore. I feel that this is totally unjust. I can date what ever boy I want and as many as I want. When I say date I don't mean an exclusive relationship. I mean we go out into public and he pays for my meal/movie/ticket/skates/parachute/etc./etc. When I am talking about an exclusive relationship you will hear me say have a relationship or refer to him as my boyfriend (which at this time I don't see any problem with me having multiple boyfriends... I'm just saying if I wanted. I wouldn't ever want this cause contrary to what boys think YOU are actually MORE work so why would I want to have to deal with that X's 2) I'm just saying it's only fair. You guys do it all the time and BRAG about it. I just wish that we were on a level playing field you know?
D and I were texting and I've always thought this, but it was soooooo nice having someone who knew what I was talking about. These days there is no such thing as casual dating. Either you're in it to get married or in it too screw. Why can't there be a middle ground? Why can't boys be gentlemen and stop being horndogs? (cause lets face it that's one of the major factors in why they ask a girl to marry them... they want in her pants especially RMs) I'm just saying a little courtesy would be nice. I think I deserve that much. I mean I'm honest and up front. I don't want a committed relationship right off the bat. It's going to take time to earn my trust. At the same time I am not going to hop in bed with you. I am not in any position emotional, physically, spiritually, financially, or what ever to be committing to taking care of every wish of some boy. And boys don't say girls don't take care of you. We get the crappy end of the stick in relationships. You want to carry on the family name, but were the ones throwing up and fat for 9 months (sometimes longer on both accounts) THEN expected to give up our lives to stay home and raise your brat, that you don't want to deal with after you've been at work... huh. Not to mention taking of you when you're sick when you need someone to pay the bills while your in school or what ever the trend is these days. Not for me. I'm 20. I can be selfish right now because as soon as I slip on that shiny expensive rock I'm entering into the last legal form of slavery. So yes I want to be selfish for as long as possible. I'm just not ready to be considering (which is what it really should be) how my decision will effect my partner or *gasp* kids. (which I doubt I will ever want)
And please don't think I'm against marriage. One of my best friends just got engaged and I couldn't be happier for me (I think I am almost as excited as she is). I just despise the fact that like what 50% of our countries marriages fail. I feel like this is a huge commitment that people don't take seriously. I don't understand how people can get married when they barely know the other person. I think people also need to get a back bone and try harder to work things out especially if there are kids involved. I mean people fight all the time I'm sure back in the 50's not every couple was happy all the time, but they made it work. (I also realize that women were deprived of privileges like pants and leaving the kitchen. I firmly stand by the statement that women live longer than men because knives are kept in the kitchen.) I also think men need to grow a set and stop being intimidated by a woman who is your equal. I mean really. Marriage should be a partnership not master-servent crap. And yes I do eventually hope to get married some day far enough down the road that I have a degree, a great paying job, and a man who will treat me as an equal, stay loyal, and above all else just love me for being the crazy, sarcastic, awkward person that I am.
I once posted something like this:
"Sometimes you need to forget what you want, and remember what you deserve."
This has been what my cleanse is about. There are all these things, places, and people that I WANT in my life, but when it comes down to it... they aren't worth even a second thought. They are draining and negative. Ya I loved living here or being with him or having this, but spending time missing it, or spending time hating it, or just spending time thinking about how it used to be... is a HUGE waste of my time and my effort. I've finished that book that I posted about last time. I've known all along that I am special and need to be treated as such, but I needed to be reminded of what exactly being treated special means. Take me as I am or I AM LEAVING YOU. You might think you are in control and that you are the one who decides whether you want to be with/around me... but in all honesty you don't. I decide who I want to spend my time with. Every girl needs to understand this concept. boys are toys (sorry no offense) they are pretty to look at and nice to have, but I don't need them.
Sorry for such a long post ragging on guys. I actually really really really like guys. a lot. I would rather hang out with a guy over a girl any day. You guys are pretty easy to get along with when we aren't talking relationships. I feel really relieved to have gotten that off my chest. haha call me a man hater or a feminist. I still want the door opened for me. I want him to ask me on a date and in all reality I've learned to like dresses. I have 20 some odd dresses in my closet right now... It kinda makes me feel like Taylor Swift. Oh my goodness she writes songs about guys that are jerks. haha kidding kidding well I hope you all have a good night (regardless of gender!)
xoxo <3 -K
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